A simple and common parental mistake that causes children to lack self-esteem in adulthood.
Psychiatrists warn that parents who make this simple mistake end up raising “weak-hearted children” because “parents, while boosting their own self-esteem, are practically stealing their children’s self-esteem from them.”
Sometimes children should be allowed to solve their problems and issues independently and face the consequences of their decisions personally and alone.
This is the advice of a psychiatrist and best-selling author of psychiatric books named “Daniel Amen.”
In an episode of the “Built Different” podcast that aired last week, Daniel Amen said: Parents often make the mistake of “leaving a stone unturned” for their children, but are unaware that they are raising “weak-hearted children.”
“Behavior like doing a class project for your child to help them get a better grade, or giving in to their demands just to stop them from getting angry, limits children’s resilience and sense of independence,” Amen noted.
Mental resilience is built through children’s own problem-solving.
Research shows that children with higher levels of resilience are more likely to become happy and successful adults.
“When my daughter left her homework at home, no one would take her to school,” Amen explained. “Likewise, if she didn’t listen to her mom and didn’t wear a sweater on cold days, we wouldn’t take her to school either.”
“It’s really important that when your child says, ‘I’m bored,’ instead of [correcting] the situation, just say, ‘Well, you’re right, I don’t know what you’re going to do now.’”
She explained that “if you overdo it [or try to fix it] by trying to solve your child’s problems, you’re actually stealing their self-esteem, while boosting your own. Mental toughness [is] built through problem-solving.”
So what should you do
“Children’s mental toughness doesn’t require ‘harsh punishment’ or taking a ‘hard-line approach out of love and kindness,’” Ms. Klein also noted that “protecting children from disappointment doesn’t help them develop resilience either.”
Instead, you can let your children experience setbacks, mistakes, and other difficult moments while letting them know that you still support and love them.
Klein described this as “a more empathetic, relatable [approach],” the kind of parent who tells their child, “It may be hard, but I’m here for you when you’re done.”
She emphasized that this approach sends the message to your child that “I trust you to get through this, and I’ll be here no matter what, whether you win, lose, or don’t get results. I’m here no matter what.”
The American Psychological Association said in a 2012 blog post that encouraging children to help others, from chores to helping peers and classmates at school, fosters the empowerment and responsibility needed to handle personal challenges
Daniel Amen concluded: “Instead of over-intervening, let children discover their own problems and solutions.”
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