Conflicts occur in all relationships and you are faced with the task of trying to preserve the good in the relationship and reduce the harmful effects of arguments and provocations.

If you are willing to learn to refrain from behaving disrespectfully and demandingly yourself, you increase your chances of preserving love and building friendships. This presupposes that you seek to learn to endure and master all your emotions without spilling them onto your partner.

The question you need to ask yourself is whether your main goal is to find relief in the moment or if it is to build the relationship in the long term.

If you defeat your partner, you have also lost!

All unhealthy behaviors in people go back to childhood and some kind of wrong education and upbringing, completely violent in the family and the environment, for example a child raised in a violent family, or is in a violent area the environment plays a lot of role in shaping the person's personality. Everything that happens during childhood shapes the person's personality in the future during adulthood.

LOSING COMPASS DIRECTION

When anxiety, hatred, envy, guilt and jealousy take hold of us, it is important to keep a firm grip on the rudder. Temporary emotional storms easily throw us off course. For some of us, it is a temptation to spontaneously follow every flow of emotion and give expression to all impulses. Some elevate this to ideology. I see it as a lack of self-discipline and determination.

Do not unnecessarily place the responsibility on the other person to maintain the direction of travel! In time, it may happen that you become dependent on your partner managing to keep a cool head and a warm heart.

Some of the most destructive arguments are fundamentally about the willingness to preserve and build the relationship. You get angry at the other person and think that it is their fault that a relationship requires determination, effort, sacrifice and involves mutual dependence.

Provocations can unconsciously aim to make the other person act stupid and say something hurtful so that one can withdraw into self-pity and fantasies of a life of freedom.

It is common for disputes with this background to be difficult for both parties to understand. They sometimes appear around anniversaries, witnessing others' marriages or divorces, and reminders of the finitude of life.

LOVE DOESN'T SEEK ITS FIT

A surefire way to be unhappy is to argue because you don't feel loved.

You cannot argue with a love that is not there or that has been hidden from you. Possibly, by loving yourself and seeking to meet the other's needs, you can attract it.

Focus on how you can love yourself, ask yourself questions about your own generosity and willingness to be a joy to your partner instead of harping on his or her shortcomings.

LOVE IS PATIENT

We all wish to have a perfect life partner. The frog will become a prince and then they lived happily ever after.

In reality, we find ourselves with a person who has both faults and flaws and must realize that the same applies to ourselves. Then we realize that love must be patient. This is difficult for most of us to digest.

We tend to think that we can argue with the frog so that it becomes a prince and do not want to understand that we are calling out a fearful and aggressive frog who may respond in kind.

Arguing about someone's character is as futile as being mad at your shoes for tying them too tight! If your loved one is careless, arrogant, domineering, uneducated, arrogant or inhibited, so be it. You are the one who chose this person. Albeit on obscure motivational grounds.

Possibly, with kisses and well-formulated confrontation at the appropriate time, you can make him or her grow as a person over time - but that is a long-term project.

Nobody changes because I want them to. People change because they themselves come to a realization!

LOVE IS GENTLE

Some people live with the demand to be unconditionally loved and think they have the right to play out all their feelings without regard for the other and without reflection. This has nothing to do with love but is a childish attitude that ultimately leads to loneliness.

Uncontrolled rages, sadistic personal attacks, totalitarian jealousy and sabotaging envy are nothing but destructive and ruthless. If you expose your partner to such things, you should seek help.

If you are prone to this, you should take a serious look at your situation and realize that you cannot argue with your partner properly.

However, there may be a chance that he or she will catch his or her mind if you can make it clear how you see the matter and what course of action you are considering without threatening. If you are unable to do this on your own, there is the option of couples therapy.

LOVE IS FORGIVEN

If you are to succeed in your relationships, you must be prepared to both forgive and ask for forgiveness! Many fruitless quarrels are expressions of a desire to undo something done.

Sooner or later we hurt each other if we have an intimate relationship. Of course, we have to strive for it to never happen, but no one is perfect and we all sometimes do things we regret.

The art consists in becoming wiser about the coup and not dwelling on our sins and suffering injustices. If you can't forgive, your partner must naturally draw their own conclusions from it, and if you can't ask for forgiveness, you lose part of your trust capital.

ARGUMENT AS EXHAUST

Many of us are unable to carry difficult feelings and thoughts and to talk to others about them in an adult way. We are then directed to try to spill over these onto the surroundings. We do this with the help of rudeness and provocations and thus make the other person feel bad in our place.

The process is usually completely unconscious and others suffer our suffering. The classic example is the person who has a setback at work and comes home and creates hell for their partner or scolds the service staff.

If you are aware that you sometimes let others suffer through no fault of your own, it may be a very good idea to seek psychotherapy.

If you are exposed to such drains - if your partner instills anxiety, feelings of smallness and powerlessness in you, offends you, accuses you or throws you off balance - you have a difficult situation. It can be really difficult to handle if you use the other person's provocations as an opportunity to throw out what you are carrying around yourself.

You may try to put a hard on hard or convince him or her of the transgressions. This is often not feasible. Getting into an argument can escalate the situation into something very destructive for both parties.

It is best if you can keep your composure and try to watch the measures from a distance. Your partner is actually in a state where he or she, like a small child, cannot control his emotional life and his expressions. This means that it is necessary for you to maintain your adulthood.

When the situation is over, you can calmly decide how to proceed. Perhaps you will realize that it is not possible to talk through what happened even in quiet moments. Perhaps you are also forced to realize that your partner is unable to change on his own.

THE DEBT QUESTION

A common predicament that couples often find themselves in is what I call the endless arguments. These are disputes that are constantly expanding in terms of content and thus become unmanageable. If I blame you for A, you reply that I was wrong about B and then I address C, etc.

Often the motive is to investigate the question of guilt - "who started". Realize that this is futile and tackle one question at a time! As a rule, in the relationship that question A must be completed or tabled before you start with B. Take a break in between and do something else!

DIFFERENCE DISPUTE

Basically, it is incomprehensible to us that the one we love does not think and think like us.

Some couples find it difficult to cope with differences in viewpoints and argue about what reality really looks like, instead of being open to the fact that the other party can add something with their perspective. The arguments can then become very unpleasant and incomprehensible.

POWER DISPUTES

Acting like a prankster or threatening divorce can be ways to get your way. In the long run, the strategy means that you become impossible to love.

Sometimes one party renders the quarrel pointless by withdrawing as a martyr, outvoting the other, resorting to violence, or ducking away by lying, talking confusingly, bickering over trivialities, becoming insulting, or sinking into sullen silence.

If your partner has not understood that it is important to cooperate, it falls to you to put an end to the measures. But this is not enough. You also have to convince that it is possible to negotiate and agree together on how to deal with the relationship so that both can be satisfied.

NEGOTIATE!

Adult negotiation is the solution to most conflicts when the stormiest emotions have subsided. If you are not willing to do this, it may be related to the fact that you harbor an illusion that unconditional love is possible between adults.

If it starts to storm again during the negotiation, you have to take a break! The process is not complete until both parties are satisfied!

In order to be able to negotiate, you need to be able to see the conflict also from the other's perspective - to see yourself and your behavior based on your friend's or lover's needs and conditions without closing your eyes to your own. If you accept that challenge, you have grown as a person and have the rest of your shared life to develop together!

in today's situation of crime and violence in society, drugs play a big role in that violence.

you can say 68% of the violence that happens in society even here that I have seen a few days ago is about drugs, when a person is affected by drugs, the violence can attack others who had a little discussion with the person before.

'it says in German about crime in Switzerland

with kind regards

Samuel Qu