How to deal with
"#roommate_syndrome" in a #relationship.?
Where do passion,
intimacy and connection go when love ends? How can a couple, without really
knowing how it happened, continue to live under the same roof, but never have
sex again?
This is what people who
suffer from roommate syndrome ask themselves.
When desire and
sexuality become a thing of the past, the relationship loses all meaning.
Despite this fact, many continue to share physical spaces, but not emotional
corners. Is there ever any hope in these situations? Can anything be done about
it? Find out here.
In roommate syndrome,
the couple maintains a respectful and cordial bond. In fact, almost without
knowing how it happened, they notice that they have become good friends who
lack emotional and physical intimacy.
Signs of roommate
syndrome
Has your relationship
become routine and lacks spark, enthusiasm and plans for the future? Do the
phrases “I’m tired” or “I just don’t feel like it right now” always seem to
come up? Do you share a home, but not the kissing, caressing, and bonding? If
so, you’re likely experiencing this all-too-common syndrome. However, it’s not
a clinical condition.
Roommate syndrome is
characterized by couples who live together despite a lack of sexual-affective
intimacy.
They’re two
well-matched friends who pay the same mortgage and share the housework. They
may even share the full responsibility of raising their children and taking
care of their pets. But the passion between them has withered away like a plant
that’s no longer watered. Now, let’s take a look at some other characteristics
of this situation.
Discover Reflective
Questions to Ask Your Friends and Your Partner
1. Living Together
Still Works Well with Roommate Syndrome
The main characteristic
of roommate syndrome is a sexless couple who get along. There are no conflicts
that cause major dissatisfaction, anxiety, or distance. They handle their
responsibilities well and live in harmony, which is a reason not to end the
relationship immediately.
In addition, they
continue to have good conversations and even enjoy common hobbies. It seems
that the couple maintains the relationship because they hope to someday restore
the lost or worn-out passion.
Many separations are
caused by the weight of routines and the loss of emotional presence.
2. Sex is no longer
present
Sex is no longer
present in the relationship of couples suffering from roommate syndrome. This
is accepted not with joy but with sadness and without them really knowing why
it ended. It may be that a lack of libido initially arose in one of the people,
until the other partner gradually lost desire and initiative.
So why this lack of
interest in sex? The University of Southampton in the United Kingdom conducted
a study with the British population on this phenomenon. Men and women revealed,
among other things, that their lack of interest in sex was due to factors such
as not feeling emotionally close to their partner during sex.
At this point, we can't
really talk about gender differences. In fact, the reluctance to have sex
always has to be addressed holistically, as there are different variables at
play.
3. The relationship is
maintained by shared responsibilities
Why does a couple
continue without sexual-affective intimacy in their relationship? Roommate
syndrome is based on the idea that a relationship can continue when there is
successful coexistence and there are shared responsibilities. Sometimes the
cost of breaking a bond is actually higher than continuing in it, despite the
lack of intimacy.
Therefore, the couple
continues together because they are anchored in the routine of work, home
maintenance, and the daily dynamics that fill their days, but not their hearts.
4. The routine is
suffocating, but they are afraid to end the relationship
A study published in
the journal Evolutionary Psychology highlights that the effects of a breakup
can be extremely difficult for both partners to deal with. If partners in a
“roommate” relationship stay with each other, it is due to fear of loneliness
and the fact that there is still an emotional component.
Strategies for
Preventing Roommate Syndrome
Prioritize
Communication. ...
Keep the Sparks Alive.
...
Make Time For Shared
Experiences. ...
Maintain Individuality.
...
Reflect on Your
Relationship. ...
Set New Goals Together.
...
Seek Relationship
Support if Needed.
To overcome "roommate syndrome," couples should prioritize communication, reconnect, and find shared experiences to rekindle intimacy and prevent emotional distance. This involves open and honest conversations about feelings, desires, and concerns, as well as actively listening to each other.
1. Communication is
Key:
Open and Honest
Conversations:
Talk about your
feelings, desires, and concerns openly and honestly with your partner.
Active Listening:
Actively listen to your
partner's perspective and understand their needs and desires.
Regular Check-ins:
Schedule regular
check-ins to discuss your individual experiences and emotions.
2. Rekindling Intimacy:
Prioritize Physical
Intimacy:
Make an effort to
maintain physical closeness, such as hugging, kissing, and holding hands.
Rekindle Romance:
Plan date nights,
surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, and embrace spontaneity.
Reduce Monotony:
Break up the daily
routine by trying new activities, exploring new interests, or having game
nights.
3. Finding Shared
Experiences:
Shared Hobbies: Engage
in activities you both enjoy to build common experiences and strengthen your
connection.
Shared Goals: Establish
shared aspirations to foster a sense of partnership and purpose.
Travel Together: Take
trips to new places or revisit favorite locations to create new memories.
4. Seeking Professional
Help:
Couples Therapy:
If you're struggling to
overcome roommate syndrome on your own, consider seeking help from a couples
therapist.
Relationship Skills:
Investing in learning
relationship skills can improve your connection and prevent resentment.
5. Changing Individual
Behavior:
Be Spontaneous: Don't
be afraid to try new things and step outside of your comfort zone.
Make Time for Each
Other: Schedule regular date nights and make an effort to spend quality time
together.
Don't Take Each Other
for Granted: Show appreciation for your partner's efforts and acknowledge their
value in your life.
Preventing Roommate
Syndrome In Relationships and Overcoming the 7 Year Slump
In the journey of love and marriage, there’s a crossroad that many couples struggle with: the appearance of roommate syndrome. This tends to coincide with the dreaded “7 year slump.” During this timeframe, couples who have been together for the better part of a decade start to experience rough patches, find themselves drifting apart, and feel like they're navigating a whole new world that leaves them feeling more like roommates than partners (and romantic ones at that!). While shifts and changes over time are 100% natural in any long-term relationship, you don’t have to settle for losing the spark in your marriage. In this blog post, we’re sharing tips for navigating this stage and being proactive about it so you can keep the sparks alive and steer clear of stagnation and boredom in your relationship.
Understanding Roommate
Syndrome and the 7 Year Slump
While roommate syndrome may seem like a bit of a silly term - there is so much truth behind it. If you’ve ever had a roommate, you may understand what it’s like to feel like you’re constantly seeing each other in passing, making small talk, and simply having surface level conversations around when rent is due, how they’re doing, or what their weekend plans are.
Because
once the distance is created, you only waste energy trying to repair it. It is
impossible to rebuild it because the second person is cunning and has captured
the heart.
If you’ve ever
experienced roommate syndrome in your marriage, you’re likely shaking your
head, thinking, “Oh my gosh… this is us! Help!”
You’re not alone,
though. This is a common struggle that plagues many couples in long-term,
committed relationships.
What Is Roomate
Syndrome?
Over time (say… around 7 years!), as responsibilities increase, life changes, and partners each grow in their own ways, they can begin to feel more like roommates than romantic partners and lovers.
So what is roommate syndrome and how do you know if you’re dealing with it?
Roommate syndrome is
characterized by a lack of passion, dwindling communication, loss of
connection, and a sense of emotional distance. This can coincide with the 7
year slump, a period where the initial excitement or “honeymoon phase” of a
relationship has ended, and couples may feel discouraged and/or disconnected in
their marriage.
Whenever you see that the distance has been corrected and
the boundaries have been established between two life partners, then it is time
to have a conversation. If the distance cannot be resolved, separating is the
best solution, while maintaining complete friendship and intimacy.
What’s tricky about
this is, they are often still in love with their partner and can’t imagine
being with someone else, yet there’s something inside of them that is not
fulfilled or completely happy with where they’re at in their relationship. This
can be a really confusing place to be!
Strategies for
Preventing Roommate Syndrome
One of the best things
you can be in a relationship is proactive, and taking steps to prevent roommate
syndrome, especially as you approach that 7 year mark, is key. Here are a few
strategies to help you keep the communication, love, and spark alive in your
relationship.
Prioritize
Communication
If you know us, we are
strong advocates of open and honest communication with your partner, even if it
means having hard conversations. We truly believe that having hard
conversations can help you connect deeper on an emotional level and bring you
closer together.
Make time for regular
check-ins with your partner where you discuss your feelings, desires, and
concerns. Don't let issues simmer beneath the surface, as this will only lead
to a “boil over” eventually. Address these challenges and concerns head-on,
with empathy, a listening ear, and understanding.
Keep the Sparks Alive
Whether you’ve been
together for 3 years, 7 years, 15 years, or 20+ years, keeping the sparks alive
romantically is a key aspect of nurturing your relationship. This doesn’t
always have to look like the same old sex either.
Surprise each other
with thoughtful gestures, plan date nights, embrace spontaneity, and prioritize
physical intimacy. Remember the little things that made you fall in love in the
first place and continue to cultivate those moments as you keep the sparks
alive.
Make Time For Shared
Experiences
As couples make their
way through the years, it’s not uncommon for their only shared activities to be
kids’ sports games, work events, etc. While those things are great to attend
and share together, it’s also important to create opportunities for you to bond
in a more intimate, intentional way together.
Create shared
experiences that you both enjoy, whether that’s planning trips and traveling,
trying new hobbies, working out together, learning something new together, or
simply spending quality time at home. Shared experiences that you both enjoy
strengthen your connection and create lasting memories.
Maintain Individuality.
Prioritizing your
relationship is a must, but that doesn’t mean you should lose sight of your
individual identities. After all, self-care and self-awareness is key to your
own personal well-being and how you show up in your relationship.
Pursue your passions
and interests outside of your relationship and encourage your partner to do the
same. Continue to embrace your own unique hobbies, friend groups, and passions.
Maintaining a strong sense of self leads to personal growth, fulfillment, and
happiness, which also transfers over into your relationship.
Overcoming the 7 Year
Slump
If you find yourself in
that 7 year slump period of time, struggling to find the excitement in your
relationship (that you know you have deep down, and so desperately crave!), check
out these tips for moving through this and into deeper connection.
Reflect on Your
Relationship
While you may be in a
challenging stage of your relationship right now, it’s important to not
discount or forget all the amazing times you’ve shared in your journey as a
couple so far.
Take time to reflect on
where you’ve been and where you’re going. Celebrate your achievements,
milestones, and proud moments. Acknowledge the challenges and conflicts you've
had to navigate and overcome. Reaffirm your commitment to each other as you
embark on the next stage of your relationship. Reflecting on your shared time
and relationship history together can reignite those feelings of love and
appreciation and put things back into perspective moving forward. Sometimes, all
you need is a reminder of WHY you are together in the first place.
Set New Goals Together
The goals and dreams
you once had as a couple may have shifted, evolved, or taken a complete 360
degree turn over the years, and that’s okay!
However, be sure to
look towards the future and set new goals and aspirations together as a couple.
Consider each other’s wants, needs, and desires and truly listen to and hear
each other out.
Whether it's planning
for the next phase of your relationship, pursuing shared dreams, or embarking
on new adventures, setting goals together creates a sense of purpose and
direction in your relationship.
Seek Relationship
Support if Needed
Do you find yourself
still struggling in your relationship? Don't be afraid to seek support from a
relationship coach or therapist if you're struggling to navigate the 7 year
slump with your partner.
Seeking professional
support doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It means you are committed
enough to fight for your relationship, and that’s a good thing!
Relationship support
can provide you with a new perspective, an unbiased opinion, and valuable
insights and strategies for overcoming challenges and reigniting that spark and
connection in your relationship.
While roommate syndrome
and the 7 year slump are common challenges that couples face, that doesn’t mean
they’re impossible to overcome.
Like any aspect of a
relationship, it takes hard work, ongoing effort, intentionality, respect, and
a true craving for deeper connection. The reward though? A thriving
relationship that stands the test of time!
Never get into an
argument again when rebuilding a friendship. If your partner is angry, try to
calm down. Go outside or visit your family for two days. After two days, you
can pick up your personal belongings. Write a letter. Thank you for the days we
spent together. I apologize. I think we have reached a point where we can no
longer live together and the pull of living together has encountered
difficulties. Goodbye is the best way.
By prioritizing communication, keeping the spark alive, creating shared experiences, maintaining individuality, and seeking support when needed, couples can prevent stagnation and reignite the flame of passion and love.
If you’re looking for
relationship support to help you navigate this stage of your life as a couple,
visit our website to learn more about our 1:1 coaching and how we can help you!
If you love someone
who, for whatever reason, doesn't want you, don't consider them your enemy and
respect them. Respect their opinion. If you're alone together, celebrate the
day you met them. Greet them respectfully whenever you see them. Apologize for
your behavior that offended them. A gift or forgiveness will make them
fearlessly respect you and never ask them for anything that they're not happy
with.
Kind regards
Samuel
samuel.ku35@gmail.com
0046735501680
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